An Education

It's Sunday. My boss called me at 8:40 this morning. She invited me to the teacher's workshop being held at the big university in town. Just two days ago she'd told me I couldn't go, but now - a change of heart? - she said, "Come. I've already signed your name in."

Good thing I hadn't made solid plans for the day. I wasn't sure I'd make it there by 9:30, seeing as I had to get ready and then catch a songthaew, but I gave it a shot. Actually, I arrived at the university by 9:10, with plenty of time to find my way to the workshop.

Or so I thought.

My boss had given me the name of the building I should head to, so I asked around. Now, one of the most important things to understand about Thai people is that they hate losing face. For example, if you ask a question and they don't know the answer, they'll make one up. You know, because their reputation is on the line. (It's actually a big thing that you don't ask questions that someone might not know the answer to - especially teachers or other people in respected professions.) So, although I was asking after the piman pit building, I was being pointed in several different directions.

Hmm. Time to call my boss again. I said, "Where is this building? I can't find it."

"Where are you?"

"I'm here, at the university. Where are you?"

"At the university."

"...yes, but where?"

"Ohhh, I see. Come to the front of the building."

"Which building?"

"The kanjanathis building. It's new. Seventh floor."

"Uh, what building?"

All right! I couldn't make sense of her instructions, but - armed with this new word - I was confident someone could help me. But the word was like a terrible spell, for each time I uttered the word kanjanathis, people's faces fell into a depressed gloom. I repeated it, in different ways, and still I got blank, worried looks. That didn't stop people from pointing me in all kinds of directions, but it made me wonder if this mythical building even existed.

New building. Seventh floor. There weren't many tall buildings around. The tallest I could find only had six floors, although it was new-looking.

It was after 9:30 by this time. I tried calling my boss again, but it took her 15 minutes to answer her phone.

"No one knows where this building is," I explained.

"Ohhh."

(Silence.)

"Look," I said, trying to sound patient. "Just tell me the number of the building."

"No number! Just come, out the front."

I'd already walked around the entire campus several times. No one was magically waiting for me out the front of any of the buildings. But maybe I'd gotten it wrong - I could've just misunderstood the first two names she'd given me.

"All right. What's the name of the building again?"

"It's (insert long, fast Thai words here)." It was something totally different to before.

"Sorry, can you say that again slower?"

"(long, fast Thai words)."

"Teacher, I need you to say it slowly, because I don't understand. Can you spell it for me?"

"(fast Thai babble)."

I sighed. "Okay, okay, I'm coming."

I still had no idea where to go. I asked a few more people, trying to replicate all three different building names she'd told me over three different phone conversations. One helpful girl pointed me to the building I'd just come out of.

"Coffee shop," she confirmed, and walked away with a pleased spring in her step.

Thanks for trying, but I'm not looking for a damn coffee shop. And if I was, don't you think I would have noticed it? It's right next to us!!

In one last futile attempt, I messaged my boss: "Please write the name of the building in Thai, because no one knows it." There was no way this could fail. If it truly was my fault in misunderstanding everything she had told me, there was no way her message could be misinterpreted.

Except she didn't reply.

At 10:20, I gave up. I'd spent an hour piecing together all the clues she'd left me with, in all their possible combinations. I'd done my best, I'd come all this way. I decided to go to Tesco, the shopping center just a few hundred meters up the road, and make the most of the trip. I was crossing a pedestrian bridge when I had a sudden revelation. I looked over the ledge and down at the university below.

She's made a mistake, I realised. There are no buildings here with seven floors. She's on the sixth floor! That new building!

Excited that I'd finally worked it out, I flung myself over the 3-meter-high fence bordering the university from the street. I zipped into that building, shot up to the sixth floor, and...

Nope. No one was here.

It was after 10:30. I jumped back over the fence, turned my phone off, and went shopping.